It can be lonely and frustrating when you struggle to express yourself and your boundaries in relationships. You deserve to be heard and honoured by other people, gorgeous woman!
With the proper techniques, you CAN unlock the power to clearly and easily express yourself. ⚡ The secret lies in your internal state.
The emotional overlord
Have you ever been in a situation where someone does something that immediately triggers a powerful internal reaction? At that moment, do you…
🛑 Find yourself paralysed, unable to respond? Your words will not come out.
🤔 Get stuck reeling in confusion? You cannot figure out what you need, never mind how to ask for it.
🌪️ Become SO overwhelmed by emotions that you’re struggling just to be civil to the other person, never mind calmly explaining your feelings and needs?
😱 Stuff your emotions down because you cannot deal with them, hoping they will go away?
You are not alone! I have been in that position more times than I care to count. I would be left reeling in a big jumbled mess of hurt, sadness and rage. I feared I would explode at the other person at any time.
When the moment passed, I would beat myself up for not telling them what I thought. The story of what I SHOULD have said replayed in my mind like a broken record. You know… the kinds of thoughts about really putting them in their place and showing them a thing or two!
Speaking to the person about what happened always seemed impossible. As soon as I thought about trying to say something, the emotion would come back in full force. So, I continued as I had before, hoping they wouldn’t do it again. Except they almost always did.
What I needed went unexpressed. It felt like no one cared about me or what I wanted. I was powerless and totally at the mercy of the actions of others. Worse still, I was being held hostage by my own emotional turmoil.
a lack of boundaries in relationships is an energy vampire
When you cannot express yourself and your boundaries in relationships, it can seem like anyone you meet is a potential threat. Their poor and hurtful behaviour could creep up on you and sabotage your peace of mind at any moment. It could be tempting to go and live alone in a cave because people are just too much like hard work.
🖥️ Maybe the problem comes from your boss, piling even more work on you. Your despair mounts because you are already really struggling with the workload. They keep expecting more of you when surely they should be able to see that you don’t have enough hours in the day as it is?
🏠 Perhaps your neighbour keeps waking you up in the middle of the night, bumping and crashing around. You’re SO sick of not getting enough sleep and feeling like utter crapola the next day.
🥦 Or it could be your partner. They said they would pick up some groceries on the way back from work, but they forgot AGAIN. Now you have to add that to your to-do list, or else there will be no dinner for the family.
When your needs go unheard, it can be frustrating and exhausting. This level of stress can make you sick and tired – literally.
You’re a smart woman
If this affects you, I’m guessing you already know you need to express yourself and your boundaries in relationships. You’re well aware that the only way things will get any better is if you take action to resolve the situation.
After all, what that person just did was NOT OK for you. You know you deserve to be treated better. TOO RIGHT. 👑 But how can you make that happen?
Maybe you have even turned to your good friend Google and researched techniques to help you confront them. It all sounds great, in theory. But even with this extra knowledge, you STILL cannot think clearly enough to get the words out. You are stuck to the spot in silence.
The knowledge that you have the right to express your boundaries in relationships is not enough, gorgeous woman. No amount of researching the right words to say will give you the clarity you need to deal with this situation. Going deeper is the only solution.
When you are in the middle of an intense emotional reaction, please know that it’s not your fault that you cannot clearly express yourself. The part of your brain that controls your emotions has hijacked your rational brain. This is your biology in action.
Silent rage in a coffee shop
I used to have a friend who was very unreliable whenever we arranged to meet. Either she would turn up late or sometimes not at all. If she did show, she offered a half-baked apology and a string of excuses. Despite the unimpressed look on my face, it never stopped her from doing exactly the same thing the next time. 🗡️
In one instance, I had been sitting in a coffee shop waiting for her for over 30 minutes. I could feel the rage rising in me, feeling like a total idiot sitting there on my own. I looked at my watch, thinking of all the ways I could have used the time.
When she finally got there, I had spiralled into such a state of rage that I struggled just to be civil to her, never mind having a decent conversation about how this was NOT OK for me. Not knowing what else to do, I sat there trying to put a fake smile on my face. She was here now, so I might as well try to make the best of it, right?
Before I tell you the steps you need to take to resolve situations like this, I wanted to let you know that I have a video about boundaries that you can access here: Feel Powerless to Express Boundaries in Relationships?
Take back your expressive power and your boundaries in relationships
So how do you claim your clarity and ability to express yourself?
1️⃣ Deal with your emotional reaction BEFORE you do anything else. Calm that inner turmoil by allowing the wave of emotion to pass through you. Then, your rational mind can come online. When you are not clouded by emotion, you can view the situation from a neutral perspective. You will be able to decide what you need and want.
2️⃣ Then, use this simple framework when you do choose to speak to them about the problem:
- Convey the facts of what has just happened. For instance: I notice that you are 30 minutes late.
- Express how this made you feel. For instance: I feel hurt and let down. I’m angry because I have been sitting here alone.
- Share what you are making this mean. For instance: The meaning I am giving this is that you don’t care about me or respect my time.
- Tell them what you want and need. For instance: I would like to keep meeting you because I enjoy your company. Next time though, I need us to arrange to meet when you know you can make it.
Can you see how this allows you to speak to the other person from a place of clarity, peace and honesty? All your energy will be available to powerfully express what you need to say.
It changes the game because people are more likely to respond to your message. Even if they choose not to take the action you want, you’ll be able to decide what to do next with a clear mind.
Your next steps to claiming clarity
If you struggle to deal with your emotions in relationships, come and speak to me about the powerful techniques I use with my students to resolve their negative emotions ONCE AND FOR ALL. 👑 You deserve to be heard, gorgeous. So take back your power in relationships by applying for a FREE Spiritual Clarity Call with me. I cannot wait to meet you!
Much love,
Clare ❤️